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On the other hand, every present under her tree is wrapped perfectly, with bows and tags and positioned perfectly, for her Instagram story.

I learned a long time ago that there are two types of people in this world — there are wrappers and there are baggers.

Wrappers are what some might call — sociopaths.

They wrap everything! And I mean everything! Even gift cards — well, not really — wrappers don’t give out gift cards, that would be too easy. But because it’s Christmas — they only use Christmas themed paper and wrap even the tiniest of boxes and after that, find a perfectly suited bow and put it on there too. Then, of course, they find a holiday themed tag and for good measure, write the name in red and green — alternating each letter.

And they do this, over and over and over, for hours. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that serial killers are wrappers. Think about it — it makes total sense.

Baggers, on the other hand, find a bag, dump the present in, throw tissue paper over it …and we are done! If it’s a new bag, then we write the name on the unused tag. If it’s an old bag, we rip the used tag off, and write the new name on the side of the bag in whatever color sharpie we can find.

And if you are a super bagger, like myself, then you don’t just use Christmas bags — you use whatever bag you can find. At this very moment, there are three year old Christmas bags I’ve used over and over under our tree, there are bags I’ve repurposed from birthdays, housewarmings and baby showers and for good measure, there are bags from the store that the present came in.

“It’s like you don’t even try,” my middle child bemoans, as she looks under the tree.

And listen, I’d totally get it, if the presents under the tree were a permanent fixture in my home — then maybe I’d try harder. But the fact is, my daughter’s vintage Santa wrapping paper with the perfectly crisp edges and my pink and yellow reused Easter bags, both end up in the same garbage pile on Christmas morning.

Although I’ve explained this to her and she has witnessed, firsthand, her work being torn to shreds in minutes on Christmas morning, she firmly believes I’ve failed as a parent because many of her gifts have her sister’s name crossed out on the bag and hers written off to the side.

And maybe I have.

Well, I know I have — because as I write this article it’s December 15th and there are only a smattering of old bags under the tree. That’s because my children’s lists are exhausting and after parenting for more than 27 years, I just can’t anymore.

Instead, I’ll head to Walgreens sometime this week and shop their gift card aisle. Then I’ll dump their card in a bag, put it under the tree, and consider my work as a parent done.

You see, while wrappers are sometimes sociopaths, baggers are always psychopaths and those middle children don’t scare us!